Throughout this pregnancy, I've gotten hundreds of judgy stares and raised eyebrows (along with the occasional comment) because seriously...who in their right mind has more than two children?? Right...? Somehow, the number 2 has become the socially acceptable maximum as far as the number of children in a family goes. Coming from a family with seven kids and twenty-five grand kids (not to mention all of my aunts and uncles and cousins), I just don't get it. Not that I think every person in the world needs to run out and birth at least 5 babies, but....so what if someone does?
"Well you've certainly got your hands full already, and here comes another one."
"Your cart is all filled up! Where are you gonna fit that next one?"
"Whoa. You're certainly going to be busy."
Huh? Are you....trying to be funny? Or...?
Some people ask me how I'm going to manage. Well. It's only 3. I get that it's more than 2. And I understand that my life is about to become slightly more stressful. Quite possibly I'm being naive. Because, two years ago when Bryan and I began discussing the possibility of adding another child, I was scared. But now? I'm completely calm about it (thank goodness, right? Not exactly probable to turn back now at 38 weeks pregnant). This time around I've got two little minions that I know will be excellent helpers. They are both dying to "help take care of the baby." Feed her. Rock her. Play with her. Get her diapers. It's going to be baby heaven - especially for Jean. And the fact that they can get their own cereal or toast, fruit, sandwiches, drinks, and snacks, and can dress themselves and use the bathroom on their own, also makes a big difference. Last time I had a baby, Jeanie was just shy of 2 years old and basically still a baby. Meaning, she was still pretty dependent on me. That was tough. And a big reason why we waited awhile for another one (although, I thought she'd be here a year ago maybe. But God obviously had different plans).
Here's what I wonder on days like today when it feels like my to-do list just won't quit: is it harder to be pregnant right now with these 2 kids to look after? Or will it really be harder once the baby is here? Cause honestly, I'm pretty convinced that it's harder right now, before she comes out. I'm sure that after she comes, my life will be more hectic maybe. But harder?
Like I said, it's been 4 years since I was last pregnant. Even though I don't consider myself old, yet, I can certainly feel my advancing age compared to my last baby. I'm way more tired and my body hurts a lot more. It's physically tough to hold my 32 pound 3 year old when he needs his mommy. And getting up the energy to finish all of those to-do items to get myself and the house ready for baby is hard to the point where I get angry about it. I just wanna sit down, put my swollen feet up, and maybe even fall asleep for 20 minutes. I really, really don't want to finish those dishes or sweep and vacuum the floor. It's not a joy to pick up toys alongside my whining kids, with a huge tummy that's periodically contracting. And I most definitely do not want to go grocery shopping. I really have nothing left in me to dig through and find the baby boxes so I can wash all of the blankets and toys and things. I seriously don't have the energy to break up that fight going on over there between the kiddos. And a hospital bag? Maybe when I'm finally in labor I'll throw some things together. I realize my crummy hormonal attitude makes things about 80x more dramatic and seemingly worthy of all of my irritation and anger in all the wrong moments, but....I just. can't. help. myself. I'm looking forward to the baby coming just so I can slowly begin to feel like myself again.
So, yes. Toting around three little ones will for sure make my life a little more crazy and chaotic. But I'm not convinced that it will be more difficult than what we're experiencing right now in this moment. And I'm beyond excited to add this sweet little girl to our chaos. I can't wait to meet her and hold her perfect tiny body in my arms, and kiss her adorable little hands and face.
Don't worry. If I'm wrong, I'll amend my words and ask for the forgiveness of all mothers with more than two children out there. But for now, this is how I see it.
