I'm sure many of you out there can relate to me on this: a child that refuses your love. I mean, sure, they take the food you make (eh. some of it anyway), the juice you offer, your help to clean up their toys and junk, and your willingness to wipe their bum. But when it comes to hugs, and snuggles, and kisses, they raise a huge fuss.
My two children are polar opposites in this area. Alex looooovvves to be loved on. Loves it. He comes searching for it. He cries for it. He pushes his head harder into your lips as you kiss his forehead. He wraps his little meaty arms tight around your neck as you hug him. And he will sit in your lap, or snuggle under your arm for long periods of time as you watch a show or read some books. But my little Jean? Pffffff.
From the time she came out of me, she was ready to be on her own. "Oh, you want to hug on me? I'm going to arch my back and grunt as I try my darnedest to get out of your reach. Yes, I am only a week old....your point?" "I'm terribly, terribly hurt because I just ran my head into the door frame and have a huge purple lump sticking out! Owwwie!! BUT IF YOU TRY TO HOLD ME CLOSE IN COMFORT, I'M GOING TO TURN AND TWIST MY WAY OUT OF YOUR ARMS!" "Can you read me this story, Mommy? Just, don't try to cuddle me as we read." "I know we're walking across the parking lot, and I know the rule, but LET GO OF MY HAND! If you don't, I'm going to scream, 'Ow, ow, ow! You're hurting me!!'" Oy. It's exhausting. Not to mention, pretty defeating and sometimes depressing.
So, when nights like tonight come along, and you're getting ready to put her in bed and sing some songs, and she says, "I want to give you a hug," you drop to your knees and pull her in close. You hold her tight and close your eyes as you wrap one arm around her tiny back, and the other hand rests on the back of her head. You push everything out of your mind as you relish in this beautiful moment that comes around so rarely. And you feel so lucky that this busy little independent girl that always pushes you away so readily, actually stays in your arms for a whole entire minute. The knowledge that she sometimes actually does need my love keeps me going until that next moment decides to come along. And it will. Hopefully soon, because I really, really love those hugs.
